xmas oh xmas...

Can't believe xmas is almost here, cos there is almost NO clue here in shanghai. luckily i hv decide to spend xmas here, if nt i'll b bored to death.

Time really flies, its xmas once again. remember last xmas i was still selling xmas trees in fareastflora. haha.. suddenly miss those days n the smell of the xmas trees, dear noble and nodman! n also the gd food i had in queensway area. though i encountered some unhappy incident over there but.. well, guess its part of my learning experience too.

I suddenly feel lost... dunnoe wat to do. its quite a scary feeling but bcos i am still occupied here, i cant really feel it. hav gotten better tats for sure..

Trying to do my report but just dun hav the will n determination to do it. oh well..

N realised this weekend will b the last weekend all of the Pudongers will b ard together. will b planning for a steamboat dinner or maybe carmen & ben's household wants to cook again. haha... i opt for 1st option cos i dun think we shld trouble their household la.. cooking for 20 ppl is nt an easy task. n also cos the steamboat is quite nice over here. i like.. better than sg's definitely!

Finally!!! i hav bought the train tix to go beijing. its 495, exp la... but bo bian lor. n i also finally remitted the deposit to the driver for cbs. still got service charge 5rmb! kaoz... wth. n its so troublesome la.. damn it.

My stomah is still nt feeling very well. its weird la... so i took whole day leave today. i bet i'll hav nothing to do if i go work as my boss went to beijing for the presentation tat both of us rushed till 1030pm yest. hope she can get the mega deal man.. then at least all the hard work is well worth.

I feek better aldy, thx for all the care & concern frm u folks (though i dun think anyone of them will get to see this). n of cos for the peeps who stayed up late couple of nites b4 to chat with me. i am alright no worries, juz encountered some low pt of my life ya.. but nothing is TAT bad to put me down, esp for stuff n ppl tat arent worthy. =)

Anyway, there are so many things tat i couldnt b bothered, jus let it b ba.

Tired, Sick, everything's nt rite.

Feeling sick aldy. my stomach has been aching since lunch this afternoon n it get worse while i was doing OT.

OT-ed till 1030pm today n took cab home. my boss wan me to rush 1 proposal for her... well again lor.. last min work. super shagged n tired. my stomach is still aching as well as my entire body. feeling weak...

Just nice i can go to work late tml cos i need to buy my train tix to beijing. really drained. seriously...

hope i can settle the bank transfer stuff n train tix tml. its been bothering me like no tml. really irritating.

Aye... i'm going to slp soon. seriously need more slp aldy. *SIGH

This morn i woke up at 835 cos my alarm clock malfunctioned again, or i simply didnt hear it ringing, god noes? rushed to work n managed to reach office at ard 940, think i really super speed ah. haha..

Yest the entire pudong ppl went to ktv n celebrated rx's bday. he turned 23 this yr, still so young.. so envious la. haha.. n i realised maybe i am too stone n quiet aldy la.. the pudong ppl's jumpiness n craziness is really nt my style, feel weird totally.

N i cant sing aldy.. like my voice r gone. dead somehow. dunnoe y.... a lot of things inside of me has gone DEAD, maybe soon i'll follow as well. haha.. kidding la..

Been trying to keep a clear n positive mind ya.. but with things going ard me like tat, its kinda hard. maybe i got involved in other ppl's stuff too much n neglected my own, maybe i shld learn to b a little more bo chap. afterall, i didnt gain anything for being so KPO also.. maybe its a little dumb la, but i'm used to it, ppl getting all the gd stuff while i always ended up with nothing.

I used to expect ppl to b appreciative of my effots but nah... nt anymore.. cos i noe the more i ask for it, the more i wont hav it then will get even more disappointed. haha..

oh well... life...

pengz pengz @ bon bon

Totally off la... I this 老大姐 yest has to be taken care of by so many 小弟弟&小妹妹la! really really troubled a lot of them...

So wat happened? aiyoh.. we went clubbing at Bon Bon n there is free flow of drinks for 80rmb only! n u noe my drinking pattern la.. dunnoe how to control myself n keep ta ta ta. aiyoh.. i really regretted! was really high at 1 pt n kept dancing.. then when tat clarence ta me tat damn glass of VODKA NEAT i really totally PENGZ!

Then i did some stupid things.. which i shocked quite a few ppl here. like crap la! no face aldy.. then i vomitted into the dustbin n totally lost control of myself. totally KO! alamak!

Luckily i hav lt & carmen (conincidently 2 stomach got problem women haha) to hold onto me n prevent me frm falling, lt for giving me tat dustbin to puke into.

jianqing for feeding me the ice with his unwashed hands (bleah)

yunting & ee seng for carrying me to the taxi n to their house

xiaoying for taking care of me n accompanying me the entire nite

Janice for lending me her clothes n her bed

Huician for letting me slp beside her n giving me stuff to eat in the morn.

A BIG thank to them man... really, i troubled them a lot in the middle of the nite. gosh, really bu hao yi si n throw face la.

N this morn i still hav the energy to wake up at 7am n go to sch. power la... i almost wanted to puke in the morn again but i didnt. now i fely much better but really tired n out. really regretted for drinking so much n so fast! if nt i can play in the club for longer la.. really had fun at 1 pt of time drinking n dancing away like a mad woman la.. haha..

Well after some conversation with yanwen juz now i really have to go n reflect myself. shldnt hav acted in such a way.. i am nt 18 anymore n really troubled them a lot. after i came to gip i really slacked n become so lazy n aimless. i muz really work harder, do more things n control myself more! yest's action is really a BIG no no. nex time muz control myself more, i hope i hav let some anger, sadness or watever out.

time to stand up n move on ms li jianghan! need to buck up n stop all those nonsense aldy.

鱼与熊掌？which 1?

Life is full of decision making situation, we often face many things in life tat requires us to make decision.

i am quite an indecisive person n will always b stuck in a dilemma. n after considering for so long, the decision i made is always the wrong one. its either my situation evaluation skill is really bad or i am juz plainly suay! or maybe its juz nt meant to be ba......

1 thing i can conclude is tat: it seldom pays to b good. period.

When muz i submit my damn report i hav no idea, so while the rest of the ppl here r all busy rushing reports, i was slacking away n nt doing anything.

at least i started on my report today n done with the intro. BUT i got stuck writing the experience part... i guess i juz dun hav the mood n motivation to write.

Here i am, another boring day at work nt even doing a single thing tat is work-related, feel so redundant really. n my boss seems to b in the worst mood ever, lady boss is usually 很难搞！did i ever mention my boss is only 31, same age as me sis n aldy an Account Director. aiyoh....

Counting down to my trip n leaving shanghai n a series of mixed feelings are deveoping inside me, a part of me wants to leave, a part of me do nt want to leave n a part of me really scared going back. ok, u can call me complicated i guess.

Will be spending quite a bit of $$ from now till my final trip in CBS.. hope i hav enuff $$ to last me thru.. but once i come back frm my trip i will b quite broke liao, luckily my reinforcement r coming over.. muz ask mum to bring more $$ over cos i still got lots of gifts i hav yet to settle! gosh gosh..

Well, guess there isnt much to blog abt, outside the window the sun had juz been eaten up by the skyscapers, its getting dark but its only 445pm!

入冬了，心情优优的
放开了，心里承重的
明了了，心里轻轻的
而我转过身来，什么也不想要了

COLD MAJOR!

AHHHH CHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Damn, dunnoe how many times i've sneezed today. its damn colddddddd in shanghai now n here i am, sitting in my room n freezing away with my damn running nose! now is likw 12 degrees, i got a feeling i will suffer for my Dong Bei trip.

There is a freaking proposal presentation to a client tml, in which i hav to present te proposal in eng to the ang moh client. i am like.... nervous la... i am sure my boss will take this as a benchmark for my internship performance. now i'm trying to prepare for it in my SEH state... think better catch a nap later after my lunch.

Had also settled my air tix to n fro CBS but nothing else was done. crap... later need to call the guy to confirm the transport issue there liao....

Had a few drinks yest over at carmen's. but its not helping either. the Choya here damn cheap la.. 63RMB! pengz... damn damn cheap.

its a gd weather to slp...... but, i better get back to work.

Here i am, finally decided to update my blog or rather, finally hav the thought to write something here.

How time has pass, gradually 1 week has slipped thru me n am getting closer to the end of my time here in shanghai. a lot, a lot of things happened during these 2 weeks n unfortunately, i will hav to say they r all bad things. i hav made some decisions which i've long wanted to make, but somehow i regretted it? i dunnoe... things juz didnt turn out the way i wanted it to b; u can use the words "disappointed and dishearted". but bcos i am here, i hav to show a strong n happy front although i am weak inside, i noe where my weak points are and i cannot let my emotions devour me again.

I really hope i can talk to someone here but........ things seem to b a little different or maybe i'm just nt tat gd with such words.... *frown*

I'm juz a little tired
I'm juz a little numb
Juz give me a little bit of time

U probably would nt get to read this but... no one is able to help those who doesnt help themselves.

too tired to think of a title

How i wish i can have more personal time to do my own stuff. Everything seems to be coming at the same time, how coincidence huh?

OT-ed till 8pm today juz cos my boss suddenly told me i hav to finish the proposal by today. how nice.

Then met up with Shiwei for dinner b4 he flies back tml. Yup, had some beer as well, its been a long time since i last drank beer ya. Thanks man for the treat n the warm packs! owe u 1 when i get back to sg. =)

Came back, well, realised i got so many things to do. housemates have aldy started on their chinese essay n wat abt me? no progress at all. how to finish the essay by sat like tat?

Tml they r going to get some pizza buffet, guess i'll give it a miss. gonna take a rest n do some work. nt forgetting i hav to plan my cbs too, like confirm the booking of air tix by sat?

N wat's with this stupid running nose again? cant it juz STOP running!

Drained.

sick?? sick sick...

Somehow i wish i will b sick tml, so tat i do nt hav to go to work. Got this stupid translation to do at work again n i OVER promised my boss abt it, so screwed la... damn.

need to setle cbs planning n itinerary by fri, flight book by sat

1st fudan essay to b done by sat

2nd fudan essay to b done by next wed

final PI report to b done by the 3rd week of nov.

n i am on my way to getting over a cetain thing, well, i noe i am progressing well. jia you to myself this time. yay.

Stressed out but...

Finally hav the chance to take a breather.

Damn it, today someone passed his sai gang for me to do, totally nt counstructive at all. really a big waste my time, could hav spend the day doing research for fudan's essay.

N did i mention tat i hav to submit my final internship report at the end of this mth? i'm so dead, still got 2 chinese essays due in 2 weeks time n got to plan for CBS trip also. n for all the things i hav to do, i am so stuck. i dunnoe how shld i start, or shld i say i do nt hav the mood to start doing it. seriously need some time management n scheduling.

And just so "nicely", i am going to do translation at work again. starting tml, got to translate something impt n after the talk with my boss, i guess i really hav to put in more effort for tat.

Its only 5pm now n the sky out there is pitch black. so depressing, no wonder countries tat received only 4hrs of sunlight per day has the highest suicide rate.

Ok negative thoughts aside, although awhile back i started to get sick of the life here in Shanghai, i think its still impt to treasure every moment i hav here n make the best out of it. its afterall, another experience which i will probably nv get again. thinking of wat i will b doing 1yr later, i will probably b missing the life here n regret if i nv do the things that i want to do here.

So the bottomline is, no matter where u r, wat r u doing, wat r u experiencing, it is always impt impt to stay positive, try new things, visit more places n treasure every moment of it. take it as a challenge n u will nv noe wat will come with it, maybe there r hidden oppotunities n happiness tat comes with each unhappiness u r feeling now.

Every bad thing comes with a gd thing
For every bad day, there will bound to hav 1 gd thing that happened tat goes unnotice
What is the most impt is the mindset.
No 1 is perfect n no i is a noob, everyone learns n grows with setbacks
With the correct mindset, after each fall, you will stand up stonger the nex time
Stay positive, stay strong
Cos u r never alone.

Sala fun....

The sala gang had a hotel room @ the intercontinental today, courtesy of shunyi. when i called them, they were actually having chocolate buffet @ fullerton hotel!!!! i mean totally envious la! hai... how i wish i am able to join them n had fun together. bet they all later will start drinking again la n play games thru the nite... sob sob, miss those days.

SY rebel, i really wan to watch SAW4 with u man... too bad cannot lor.. but dun tell me the ending if nt i will kill u!

Peace TX & YY, Happy 25th! hope u all wont drink so much anymore. hav fun on ur bday k!

Xan, u email me the shopping list n i'll try my best to get the stuff for u. but i got service charge 1 ok!

ZZ, jiayou for ur work n stay happy ya! miss ur high pitch. haha...

Fen, can start looking ard aldy. heck the probation... 明年会更好!

Shunyi, too bad by the time u come shanghai will b off to jilin n harbin aldy. but i'll cya back in sg k.

SSG, hope u'll get well soon. b strong!

Come to think of it, i really, really wan to go back to sg now! as in really, NOW. really miss the things i did back there...

tml is resting day. gonna slack at home n start thinking abt solutions. mon need to go back to work n i noe i will nt hav anything to do again.

This is my time...

Everything In It's Time by Corrinne May
*Nice and meaningful song, worth a listen. it might makes some sense?

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

Working towards reality..

Ok, finally some problems solved.

Asked my boss if i could leave work 1 week earlier n she approved.

Talked to her abt my work performance n responsibility and she gave me some advice n comments. i would still think i hav nothing much to do but at least i noe she did nt really mind abt it. n surprisingly, we chatted for abt 40mins abt life. i always tot she is the kind of lady who is aloof n cold n i dun think so anymore. she gave me some pointers abt life which make me ponder, with enuff considerations n hope, i really hope can find a right path for me to travel. We then went to lunch together, steamboat ya, n chat further. somehow, it just feels very different, like we are frenz? 1 thing i am glad is tat our relations improved, which somehow reinstall some faith back into me again.

Planning the CBS trip in progress, had a rough guide n i hope it can be done by next week. its really gonna end soon n i hav no time to waste. it will b my final trip for this GIP n i really wan to make the most out of it.olt, sent u a copy tml n we'll see how we can work on it further ya?

Oh well, always hav a lot to write but dunnoe how to go abt it. Prefer to talk in person maybe? i am nt gd in consoling or encouraging ppl n i'm afraid i might make them feel worse. it always end up like crap la.. like seriously.. hahaha...

Seems like my relations with my housemates r back on track, at least i dun feel so out n awakard at home aldy. this shall b the statue quo till the end of gip, seriously, its going to b very soon also. ya, at least another thing solved.

Well, nt to think so much le... 3 more hours till the end of work for this week. yay.. ya..